its time for a change.

OKLAHOMA ruined me
OKLAHOMA saved me
OKLAHOMA was bad
OKLAHOMA was good

as it turns out, i need to feel absolutely gross to make myself feel good. i hated everything about my trip and that includes me. we did nothing the entire time we were there. it was too hot to go outside so we sat and ate and i was miserable and i felt gross.
SO.....fast forward to three days ago when i was so desperate to end the disgusting oklahoma feeling that i went running in aarons basement and i loved it. i realized that i am so out of shape that i cant expect miles and  miles when i go running. i need breaks often and i cant run far. when we bike, i need to slow down and sing to myself just to get up big hills. its not easy, but its me. i need to accept myself the way i am and take my exercising slow or else i will quit and never make any progress. and slowely, i will be able to run farther and faster. i will be able to bike longer and without singing those coldplay songs that take my mind off my situation. but i feel so good. aaron and i vowed to get our lives and our bodies to where we want them to be, no matter how long it takes. and we will. slowely but surely, he is joining in my enthusiasm. he wants to build muscle and i want to lose my belly fat. i just cant believe how much self discipline ive got lately. i actually stick to my word. i plan it in, every day. and i even changed my diet and eating habits around completely! i made realistic goals and i dont care how long it takes, but i am going somewhere with my plans. i feel good. and i hope this lasts.

anyways, tonight aaron and i are going to go see the movie Salt =] i am excited to see it. i love Angelina Jolie. then tomorrow i have to work all day. which for me, at the boring job i have, is a long time. and i am not excited. i can barely stand being there for the time i am there. but i need the money. and i get paid monday, so it will be good to get it. i can use it for my trip to Tennessee, which BY THE WAY... is in a week. we leave early in the morning, saturday the 7th. and we may even stop in Dublin, OH for the annual Irish Festival. spontaneous stops and fun? sounds like a senior trip to me. i am just so excited for everything. and this workout and diet are the perfect things to be preparing for my trip. it makes me feel good. i just need things to be working towards. im working towards my trip...but what after that? im afraid once im home, i will stop. we'll see. hopefully aaron helps me like he has been. hes pushing me and pushing me. =]
cheers.
<3