things feel better
but they arent, isnt that weird?
things may actually have turned out not at all like i wanted them to.
but yet, i feel a little better because
at least things happened.
at least things have reached that one climactic point where there was a decision. not decision, so much. more like....idk. like we reached that point and something actually happened. there were two things that could have happened and he chose
to text me.
to talk to me and remember me
and maybe he didnt really get it
and maybe the conversation was only mildly interesting
but it happened
and that makes me feel at least a little better. a lot better. better, in general.
its the calm after the storm. and that doesnt mean the weather is over, it just means the storm is. which is good.
luckily, though, i have an amazing boyfriend. and he loves me even if i obsess over weird things and he supports me when im upset over lost friendships. and he never gets nervous about our relationship, even when im being irrationally upset over friendships with someone else. he knows i love him. and i do. forever, no take-backs or quitsies. just us, living our life together. not lives...life. and i like it.
but for right now, im sitting home with my sisters watching Aladdin, my favorite disney princess movie. aaron is in cincinnati and i miss him. i know he is going to be back tomorrow, but i guess after two years of him leaving all the time, i really just don't like it when he leaves at all. like, no matter how long he's gone. its a type of separation anxiety, i think. its not healthy, but i think anyone would have it after what i went through with him. it was so hard. i dont think i could ever do it again without being diagnosed for clinical depression. i can see myself in bed crying every night, instead of just the last two days of every absence before.
anyways. grama gave me a bunch of new yarn and i think im going to find something to do with it.. either that or just die. im exhausted.