This Week The Trend

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Bluffton, OH, United States
doing little, enjoying lots.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

a life for the isolated

this weekend proved exciting from the standpoint of my friend intake. its not that i have none, because i did and i still do. i suppose that once i found that elyse and i are basically kindred spirits (ha), i stopped all effort of my friendships with almost all other girls and most other guys. i had her every weeknight and weekend, so why would i need other people? and making it all the more convenient, i never tired of her. this all relieved me in one giant swoop because i always feel a certain amount of discomfort around people and generally dont like being around them for extended periods of time. life made easier by way of best friend who is exactly like me.
but i digress. =]. friday night was a surprise party for one of our mutual friends and we went because shes about as pure a soul as one can be and it would've been nonsense to skip it. also...if we hadn't went, we were to be playing the Powerpuff Girls boardgame and eating fruit roll ups. dont get me wrong. but we do that sort of thing every day. a little time in the presence of human beings cant damage us too much. so we went and were ready to leave after the first ten minutes. out of love for her, we stayed and it ended up being one of the funnest nights. isnt it funny how that happens? anyways. there werent many people there to start with...which was odd. but her closest friends left before it was over. the ones who planned it. girls can be so stupid. but it ended up that her, her boyfriend (who is hilarious), my other guy friend, elyse and i were the only ones left and we were the oddest group but the best combination. her brother sang and played a song he wrote on the guitar and it was spectacular. i loved the song, i was gonna go home and it up before he told us he wrote it. =] but then they insisted we all go back to her boyfriends house and jam in his garage (because they have a garage band....who would've known.) and it was it was so random and that is what made it cool. when elyse and i finally made it home, her boyfriend sent me a very long text about how he was really angry with her "close friends" and that he wanted elyse and i to be closer to her and he wanted us all to hangout more.
whats the point of this long story? =] i have friends again.
unfortunatly all that didnt make today any better, as i had another one of my displacement spells. if you've seen the movie Numb...thats how i occasionally become. its like a massive weight takes hibernation on my chest and i just want to crawl out of my own skin because my body is superfluous and constricting. like someone put my heart in a cage. and i lie awake for hours thinking of nothing and everything at once without knowing. sometimes i fall in and out of consciousness and when i wake up, i know i've slept but i cant remember it. i know that time has passed but it feels like only a moment sinse i layed down. i slip in and out of it, catching bits of a song playing around me or a conversation outside my door. its a scary fit of solitude that i cant rightly snap out of until its good and done with me.
thanks for tuning it. you probably regret it now. cheers.


Maxanna said...

Life is so unexpected- just like your special night- things we plan that we think will be so grand can disappoint- and then things we dread- or think will absolutely be a bust bless our lives. I don't quite remember the saying but it's something like "life is what happens when we're planning something else"- Friendship is so like that- friends over years and years- even when some of the years we were absolutely not speaking- and finally couldn't even quite remember what we were absolutely not speaking about- and hugging and crying- and knowing that there are special nights and special moments- and sometimes we are blessed. Like tonight- when I was blessed when I opened my computer and read about your evening- and your night-and was so very glad you took the time to write. Your Aunt Max

Max's Dream said...

Ah, So you have a pendulum too. You move back and forth between one side and another. We all do in some way or shape or form. The key is to know that it always swings and you will be going the other way soon. It's not at all regular. Sometimes it goes real slow and sometimes fast, kind of like this weekend for you. Life is like that and we all live that life. Congratulations on being a very normal human. UD