I used to swear against drama in school and with my friends and, well..pretty much every situation. A girly fight would break out and i would have none of it. But as i get older and my list of friends grows smaller and smaller because my best friend(left) is the only person i ever hang out with or, well, talk to.....i realize that i should soak up all the messy ridiculousness that i can because after high school there will most likely be a significantly lower amount. as long as im not directly involved, its like crack. Watching the arguments and the explosions of emotion come from every end of a room, practically drooling from the side of my mouth because i cant keep up with all the new twists, as if i was sitting on my couch with a bowl of popcorn watching the newest episode of Desperate Housewives, or something. is this bad? possibly. but you only get a few years of highschool, which to most would be a few too many. but for me, its like a constant strand of entertainment and a very convenient storage for a million people to talk to every day. so really...im cool with it.
Then on the other hand (theres infinite amounts of 'other hands' to everything i say, im noticing), i wouldnt mind crawling into my bed and staying there for the rest of these next two years. theres so many things i always dreamed of doing and being when i got to this age that havent happened. i always pictured myself smiling with a sense of belonging as this huge aura around me at all times. and gee. that hasn't happened. i guess thats not something i can be very upset over, though. nothing is ever really as amazing as you picture it. when you picture something great, theres an excitement that comes along with the planning and imagining. it takes whatever you're thinking about and places it in butter and rolls it around in magic and then shuts it up in a box so none of it can get out. weird, right? well whatever. it makes everything so awesome seeming and then when it happens, your like 'oh...well this was awful fun to imagine.' but its just...idk. when things go wrong, no matter how many times it happens to me, it always kills me. so theres my rant i guess.
there are things in this world
that i dont understand
like love, war, gravity,
or the lay of the land
but all of these remain mysteries
though one thing is for sure
you are worth living for.