well its summer time and i had a heck of a fast, crazy year. i suppose i decided that since it was my senior year, i should start mingling or something. so i went to the parties, movies, and etcetera that were expected of me and i actually had a good time. not a i-want-to-continue-for-the-rest-of-the-summer-good time. more like a that-was-nice-now-wheres-my-pajamas-good time. which is probably a lot of the reason that elyse and i turned down being invited on the huge senior trip that a ton of our friends are going on. i suppose that wasnt the only reason. okay, it wasnt even the biggest reason. two of them are already having to be bailed out of jail hahaha. and honestly, thats not funny, thats just downright disappointing and irresponsible and blah blah.
but im laughing my ass off.
good luck to the rest of them. i feel like they are going away to panama beach to be on Survivor. except instead of being "voted off", they're going to be dwindling in numbers from the long arm of the law. i cant help but thinking its not such a long arm, though. i mean...they made it down there almost fully in tact (minus the two bail-outs who are probably still meeting the rest down there)
anyways. despite being the notorious gangster that i am, i think i shall dodge that hideous bullet. i love to hear the dramatic stories but a week of sleeping and watching Desperate Housewives will suffice, i believe.
so now i am graduated.
its a strange feeling and yet i feel like nothing could be more obvious. i know what im doing and where im going. i know how to get there, i even know where all the good food places are.
i can deal with me best friend being four states away. i can deal with no more high school. i can even deal with our discs of Season 5 Desperate Housewives running dangerously low and the sixth season not being out until september. all of that is okay with me.
but my #1 problem right now? what if...
What If what comes next isnt as good? what if i like college but i dont love college. what if i like my new friends but they make me uncomfortable? i get uncomfortable easily around people. what if i just dont try to make friends? i dont NEED them. i have aaron and i am self sufficient. what if i just dont make an effort and then i have nothing new to replace all my old memories and stories?
and these "what if's" dont frighten me. im not afraid. im not even worried, persay. im just hoping. im hoping that these things dont come true. because if they do, i wont die. and i wont get some form of depression or cry myself to sleep.
it would just really, really suck.
and i dont want my college experience to really, really suck. or even just kind of suck. i want minimal amount of suckness. i want it to be awesome. i want to meet people like me. i want to excel and make artwork and go see bands and stuff.
i guess i'll have to just try. oh how i hate trying.