This Week The Trend

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Bluffton, OH, United States
doing little, enjoying lots.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

the inside of my mind.

its filled with anguish. its turning and twisting in saddness and confusion. the unsureness i have not known in years is back and it burns me. i dont know. i did know. i was sure. and i knew and it was great and i still think i might know. but then.

he made me unsure. he sprinkled packets of doubt in my head and watered them like garden seeds. he even layed down mulch and rocked up the garden with a beautiful koi pond. its sick. i knew. i KNEW, i tell you. i did. and i feel so rotten for thinking i knew.

he gave his opinion and thats all fine. i dont want him to keep it to himself. i mean, i trust him. and i care what he thinks. but its just hard to hear. maybe he just doesnt know us. maybe he just doesnt. or maybe hes right and i dont know. maybe.

it hurts to be so happy and have someone tell you that you might be fooling yourself. cant he see that?



Lucas said...

Shelbs. He will always tell you what's on his mind. And in doing so, he's made you think. But baby? Only YOU know your heart. Only YOU know what you feel. It's YOUR life and YOUR choice and other people will always have opinions and advice and things to say but they don't have to live your life. You do. Just breathe. Trust in God and listen to your own heart. I love you. And so does he.

Shelbyroo said...

thanks. i know that. i just need to vent. its just hard for me to accept peoples opinions about this issue when they arent necessarily supportive. thats just how my personality is i guess. but i love him and i know he loves me. and i care what he thinks. so i guess thats it. <3

Lucas said...

Good way to look at it Shelbs. And college is all about meeting people different from you who may not support you and will probably tell you all about it. They might say things that make you think, they might say things that make you cry. But only YOU control your actions and emotions. BIG love!