its filled with anguish. its turning and twisting in saddness and confusion. the unsureness i have not known in years is back and it burns me. i dont know. i did know. i was sure. and i knew and it was great and i still think i might know. but then.
he made me unsure. he sprinkled packets of doubt in my head and watered them like garden seeds. he even layed down mulch and rocked up the garden with a beautiful koi pond. its sick. i knew. i KNEW, i tell you. i did. and i feel so rotten for thinking i knew.
he gave his opinion and thats all fine. i dont want him to keep it to himself. i mean, i trust him. and i care what he thinks. but its just hard to hear. maybe he just doesnt know us. maybe he just doesnt. or maybe hes right and i dont know. maybe.
it hurts to be so happy and have someone tell you that you might be fooling yourself. cant he see that?