so basically. i am sitting in my dorm room for once. im never here lately. its weird. but i dont WANT to be here because my roommates are always here and its stupid because we GET ALONG. but we really dont have anything in common. so its weird. whatever. i just want to not be here where i feel left out and strange.
and you know what else is weird?
in my classes, im friendly and nice and funny and people just look at me strangely like im gross or something.
BUT at Delta Chi, everyone seems to love me. im the bell of the ball. the guys think im funny and sweet and the girls think im cool and nice. and its just great. i feel like im so highly positioned because im aarons girlfriend. people respect me. people introduce me and talk about me. but not in the bad way! can you even believe it? its so weird.
so i guess im enjoying college. but honestly....i really feel like i dont know how much im going to like doing this for FOUR years. maybe even five. that just sounds so excessive. my dad says he never wanted to leave college. and im having fun. i feel good and i like doing what i do. but i just feel....idk. maybe its just that i dont know as many people as i will eventually. but i just feel kinda stuck in this new environment. im not miserable or sad or unhappy. im just thinking "do i really want to be here for four years?....can i really keep occupied and happy that long?" idk. it seems strange. maybe if i had my own room. or i was rooming with elyse. shes not here and its so horrible. maybe thats why my life feels so incomplete. i just feel like i left and now im a little bit in the dark. and no matter how funny i am or cute i am or whatever...im still just a little bit in the dark. maybe its her. maybe its my family. maybe its just me having FUN, but not being satisfied. that could be it.
maybe its desperate housewives. that could seriously be it.
or maybe its maybelline. sigh.
anyways. the things i really like....
Navigators....campus youth group
Delta Chi.....the guys are so nice and sweet.
Aaron...hes my king. hes been so great to me lately.
Clara......she makes me feel at home and comfortable with people who i would normally be afraid of.
Art.......hes so good to me.
those things are good. also, fall is good. im ready for that whole situation to take flight. its too hot.
well. i think i will like my classes. and i think i will enjoy being able to go home occasionally. and i know i will like being around aaron so much. but i really think there are also some things i really dont like....
ken.... i really hate you.
having roommates.....one of them is always here and i just need time to MYSELF
feeling ugly.......for some reason.
this fast paced life........its stop and go all the time. i need to stop for a while.
so for now, poop. we'll see how things go. i have the game tonight, so that will at least be fun. and hopefully cold. it never gets cold here. i like cold.
i miss you.